Missing Archer Collection
by the-notsoevil-queeen
Summary: Several different pieces revolving around the loss of Robin Hood, each chapter is stand alone. Focuses on Regina's POV.
1. Roland's Mother

_Prompt: Post-Robin. Regina wasn't sure when or how it happened, but at some point everyone - including Roland, the Merry Men, and herself - began treating her as Roland's mother._

* * *

It happened slowly, without any recognition, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and Regina couldn't pinpoint a time in her memory when she had noticed that things became different.

They'd be sitting together in Granny's, the Mills and Charming family, and Roland would ask Henry if he could go get a candy out of the small machines in the back. Henry would say that he had to ask Regina first, who would insist that he finished his dinner before any sweets.

Then, whenever Henry wanted to take Roland out for an adventure around the docks with Killian, Emma would insist that they make sure Regina was okay with it. She hadn't thought much of it, had insisted that Henry keep an eye on Roland so he didn't fall in the ocean, and off they would go.

No matter where the boys went they'd always call to tell her everything was okay, and they would share stories of their Storybrooke adventures around the dinner table every night. Some were more interested than others, but after all, a day on a ship with a pirate was far more exciting than a day of grade 1.

When they'd go out to get groceries Roland would stick close to Regina's side, holding her one hand while her other pushed the cart. She'd read from her list while Roland would reach to grab the items from the shelves, and he'd always ask for help when he couldn't lift something heavy into the cart himself.

They'd cook together occasionally, Regina and her boys, when they'd had a long week and needed a quiet night in as a family. Roland would stand on a stool in front of Regina, and he'd watch her as she wrapped her arms around him to dice veggies or stir sauce while instructing Henry as he took on the tasks that Roland couldn't, like peeling and chopping.

They had become a family, a broken one, but a family nonetheless, though that wasn't exactly news to Regina. She felt the connection that the three of them shared every day as she woke them up for school or kissed them goodnight. She felt it as she cuddled with Roland when he had a nightmare, or when she pecked Henry on the cheek as he left for the day to work with David. These were her sons, and she knew that with all of her heart.

They had always been her sons, she had loved them as much when she'd first set eyes on each of them, Henry 15 years ago when he'd been passed to her shaking hands, and Roland 3 years ago when she'd snatched him from a flying monkey. She'd known in her heart that they were her sons for far longer than she realized.

Though somewhere along the way things shifted in everyone else, and Regina didn't notice it until one day with the Merry Men and the Charmings. They had been having a town-wide get together in her house, no reason behind it other than to celebrate another month without a catastrophe, and Regina had over heard the Merry Men talking amongst themselves quietly while she was busying herself in the kitchen.

"We have to go back to the Enchanted Forest John, I can't take it here anymore. Not without Robin."

His name had caught her attention, and Regina's heart had clenched. She wondered for a moment whether that reaction would ever go away.

"What do you want me to do, Tuck? Just waltz up to Regina and say 'Hey we're thinking about going home, say goodbye to Roland!' That's a good way to get roasted alive."

Regina's stomach dropped, and she stopped what she was doing, listening intently (and quite obviously).

"Well he have to leave, and I'd just always assumed that we'd take Roland-"

"We can't take him away from his mother, Tuck. You know that."

That was it. Her heart had gone from frozen by fear to racing rapidly in her chest, so much so she could swear the Merry Men could hear it in the adjacent room.

Roland's mother.

She supposed this shouldn't surprise her, she had felt as such for a long time, so long she had forgotten what it was like without the prince of dimples sleeping in the room next to Henry's, or sitting at her kitchen table every morning and evening, or perched on her lap when she read him a story before tucking him in at night.

Still, she couldn't help the tears that stung her eyes or the smile that spread on her lips as she realized that everyone in town knew, without her having to tell them, that she was Roland's, and he was hers.


	2. Villains Don't Get Happy Endings

_Regina's POV during Robin's funeral_

* * *

God that tombstone is ugly. He would hate it; he'd say it's too eccentric and outlandish, that he'd be fine with a stick poking out of the ground to mark his grave. I'd never let that happen. He deserves a real grave of course, but this…. God it's awful. It's huge, bigger than most in the cemetery, with these stupid decorative carvings and that ridiculously long message on the bottom, some nonsense that Snow made up for him.

It's too much, it's not _him_. He needed his name, Robin of Locksley, and maybe a "devoted father, loving friend and leader" along the bottom, and that would have been enough. Not quite what he wanted but, well, he can't exactly complain about it.

Ugh. Why did I think that?

I want to rip my heart out of my chest. Fuck this is unbearable. I wonder if anyone would notice if I did? Pfft probably. I'll never be alone again. I just want to be alone.

No, I want to be with Robin. This isn't fair. I want to hold his hand, to hug him, to tell him that I love him, damn it I'll never get to tell him how much I love him, how long I've always loved him.

When did I start loving him? I don't even know. How can I not know? I loved him as long as we've been in Storybrooke, I know that, but when did I know for sure? I can't believe I don't even know when I started loving him…. Oh god I'm pathetic.

I wish I was angry at you Robin, but I can't be. I can feel the anger bubbling inside me, it flashes heat across my skin, running down to my fing`ertips, but I can't direct it at you. I can't find it in myself to hate you for leaving me… I love you so much. I love you so much I feel like I'm dying. Every beat of my heart feels like a stab to my chest. Every breath I take feels more like water than air, that I might drown in my sorrow. I can do anger, I've done anger my whole life. But this… I'm broken without you.

Why did this happen? What's the point in hope and love and "pixie dust" if this is how it ends?

This is how it always ends. A brief flicker of happiness amongst a see of darkness, is it really worth it? To build yourself up to love so purely, so strongly it consumes you, just to have it ripped from you every chance you get? Of course not. Hell, maybe I won't ever get another chance. I don't want one. I can't love like this again. I don't know if it's because I'm not capable, or because I'm afraid. Maybe I'll never know. But I can't live like this.

Fuck hope. Hope is pointless, and I'm an idiot to ever think otherwise. I can't believe I was so stupid. I don't get happiness, and now I've caused so many other people misery because I dared to think I could have happiness. I'm such an idiot.

I should be the one that's dead. He doesn't deserve this. He was always too good for me, too good for everyone, but me, oh I deserve this. I deserve a lot worse than this. I would do anything to trade places with him.

I want to see his smart-ass grin – the one that always pissed me off when we met - just one last time. I'll trade all the good moments just to have him back. He doesn't need to be with me, take me instead, just let him come back for his babies. Let him be with Roland and Robyn, or whatever he'd choose to name her, he should be allowed to name her. I hate that he didn't name her. I hate everything.

I hate everything.

I hate every stupid thing that made this happen. The Underworld, Hades, Zelena, Emma and Hook. They're supposed to be my friends, my _family_ , and they let Robin die.

I hate every person crying over Robin's grave when they did nothing to help him. God look at Emma, she's a mess. She doesn't deserve to cry over Robin. Hook, sure, but she doesn't care about Robin. All she cares about is her stupid happy ending being ruined for the first time.

Emma gets everything. Emma broke my curse. Emma took Henry from me. Emma lost Hook, but he always came back to her. I wouldn't be surprised if he found a way to crawl out of the ground and reunite himself with his _true love_. God they make me sick. Why does Emma get _everything_?

Because Emma's always the hero, even when she's not. Of course she wins.

No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I'll _never_ win. Everyone I love dies because of me. Daniel. My father. My mother. Robin. Even Henry died because of me once. It's a curse to love me. No one should love me.

Robin loved me, god he loved me. He loved me like no one ever had, he was the only one to accept me for who I was, who never asked me to change, to become something else for him. He inspired me. But he'll never inspire me again. Because he loved me.

You suffered so much because you loved me, Robin. I didn't deserve you, not for a second, and god I was so bad for you. I took everything from you. I didn't mean to. I meant to love you. I don't know how to love without pain.

No one will ever love me again.

Why _would_ anyone love me? It's too much to ask for love. I don't deserve it. I was always a monster, I can still feel it inside me: pure rage, pain, _agony_ always boiling, burning, itching to be released. It never goes away.

I'll never kill the monster inside of me. No, the monster killed what was left of me. I've done too much wrong in my life, it doesn't matter how hard I try I'll never change.

I'm a villain. And _villains don't get happy endings._

Shit shit calm down Mills, you're gonna burn through your gloves.


	3. Why Him, Why You

She had yet to speak a word, yet to shed a tear, since the ceremony started. She had stood stone faced and broken, watching as everyone placed a single arrow on Robin's grave, never moving an inch as rain poured down on the silent graveyard.

Emma couldn't hold back her pain as she watched her friend's emotionless composure, so she sobbed for her. She ached for her. God, how was this fair to anyone? Robin didn't deserve this, Regina certainly didn't either, and Henry, oh poor Henry, he was hugging David tightly as he cried quietly, and Emma wished she could take away his pain too.

But now the ceremony had ended, and Emma's heart had clenched and raced as Killian appeared behind her. She had ran to him and thrown herself on him, positive that it was a dream but it wasn't, he was here, whispering that he loved her and that he had escaped the Underworld for her. She took her time to compose herself, and caught him up with everything happening in Storybrooke, turning to face the new casket that held their friend.

Now they walked together to their family that waited at the other end of the cemetery hand in hand, and as they got closer they saw the recognition on everyone's faces, shock, awe, and on some, horror.

Henry sprinted to them and he too threw himself at Killian in a big bear hug, and Snow instantly started questioning how he had come back to Storybrooke, a slight glimmer of hope in her emerald eyes. But it was Regina that caught Emma's attention. The terror, the pain, the complete disbelief, the disgust on her face was startling, and the guilt that filled Emma was too much, she thought it might destroy her.

"Did you see him?"

Everyone turned to Regina. Her voice had come out quite and rough, and she clenched her jaw as she stared at Killian. Her posture was rigid, like every muscle was tensed, and Emma could only imagine how magic coursed through her veins in a frenzy. No one knew how to respond and stared blankly at her.

" _Robin_. Did you see him before you left?"

Killian mirrored Regina and clenched his jaw, unmoving and blank faced. He dropped his eyes, and it was enough for Regina.

 _"YOU IDIOT, DID YOU SEE ROBIN IN THE FUCKING UNDERWORLD?"_

She ran at Killian and started throwing her fists out, but didn't quite reach him as David wrapped his arms around her waist tightly and pulled her back. The words falling from her red lips were unyielding, no caution or filter to what she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Where is he?! Is he there? Can I save him? I need to save him - Let go of me, LET ME GO I HAVE TO SAVE ROBIN PLEASE NO. ROBIN I NEED ROBIN. PLEASE!"

Her shrieks changed to sobs as her knees collapsed, and David shrunk to the damp ground holding her, never letting her go, as she curled in on herself. He hugged her back tightly as she pounded her fists on the ground, frantically wiping at the tears staining her cheeks. Her sobs interrupted her words, drowning any meaning in sorrow.

Everyone stood silently as Regina beat the earth until Emma was sure she'd bruise her hands, hearts aching and tears falling as they watched her finally shatter. Eventually she ran out of tears, and her sobs fell silent, only ragged breathing and the occasional hiccup were audible.

Killian took a deep breath and said just loud enough for everyone to hear over the trickling of the rain, "No, love. He wasn't there."


	4. I Am Not There, I Did Not Die

_A/N: Written before Robin's death was confirmed in 5x21, based on promotional pictures of the funeral._

* * *

The ground was soft and damp, sinking slightly under her heels. Rain dripped from her large black umbrella onto Snow's beside her before falling to the wet earth by her feet, the soft drizzle the only sound in the still cemetery.

Her heart was heavy in her chest, aching as she stared at the new grave in front of her. Killian Jones was etched across the fresh stone, mirroring the tomb that had stood in the Underworld, signifying his imprisonment there. She hoped by now that this was the only tombstone standing and that the other had fallen over, that he had moved on.

Regina sighed, mourning the loss of her friend – god, when did Hook become her friend? – and looked over to Emma, who was sobbing silently, clinging to her mother's arm while holding a small metal flask to her chest. Regina knew the pain she felt was incomparable to what her friend was experiencing. She had been there before after all, with Daniel all those years ago. To lose a true love, your soul mate, was unbearable. You lose a part of yourself, and oh how Regina had lost herself. Emma was stronger than that though, she remembered, and she had everyone in Storybrooke to help her.

Her mind wandered as she stared at the grave, at the flowers placed delicately atop the freshly disturbed earth, and she found herself longing for someone to hold on to herself. Henry stood with Charming, hugging him tightly, and Zelena was behind her holding the baby, bouncing her to keep her cries from breaking the painful silence.

She wanted Robin. She wanted to hold his hand and squeeze when the pain in her heart became too much, she wanted his arms wrapped around her, burying her in his chest while he protected her from her misery, she wanted to look into his eyes and see comfort and support, though she knew if he were here, he too would hold misery in his eyes.

He had grown fond of Hook, had bonded with him over their mutual dodgy pasts, and she knew that this ceremony would have hurt him deeply. He had lost a friend too, after all.

For a moment she was glad he wasn't there, and she instantly cursed herself for such a thought. She didn't know where he was; he could be in grave danger, in pain, or even dead himself. She had no idea where her soul mate was, and that was worse than this. Uncertainty was agony, it let her mind wander to the worst possible outcome, made her start to panic, her stomach jumping to her throat at the thought of losing him too.

He's fine, she told herself, we'll find him. He's fine.

Her eyes traced Killian's name, and the lyrical words of a poem drifted into her mind as she thought of Robin.

 _Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep._  
 _Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die._

He's not dead, and she knew it. She would have felt it in her soul if he were. He was alive, and she would find him. Now was not the time to mourn him. Not yet.


	5. You'll Be In My Heart

_A/N: Post Robin's death, Zelena watches as Regina comforts baby Robyn and Roland_

* * *

Something buzzed in the back of Zelena' mind, disturbing her dreamless sleep as she rolled over the large soft bed. She groaned as she opened her eyes, irritation fluttering her stomach at the disruption of her rest. She looked around the dark empty room, for a minute forgetting where she was, before recognizing the black and white colour scheme of Regina's guest bedroom.

The last few weeks had been a roller coaster, and parts of her still felt unhealed from her very rapid childbirth and her time spent in the Underworld with Regina and her family. Her heart and her body ached constantly, broken and torn apart in so many ways in such a short time, and she had been grateful to finally have a soft bed to collapse into. Granted it was Regina's bed, and it had been incredibly uncomfortable to accept a room from the woman who should hate her most of all. Though she supposed Regina had always been full of surprises…

The whining noise grew louder – no not a whine, a cry. The baby was awake, and screaming from down the hall. She supposed she should take care of it, Regina would eat her alive for letting the baby cry all night, so she pulled herself out of her nest of blankets and pillows to throw on the light housecoat that her sister had given her before trudging into the hall.

She didn't know Regina's house well, had only been inside it once when she was getting Rumple to steal her sister's heart, and fumbled down the hallway following the noise of her daughter. Regina had set the baby up in a room next to the master bedroom, and as Zelena approached she noticed the nursery's light on Regina's bedroom door wide open.

Before she could even reach the nursery the baby's cries quieted, though not stopping entirely. She peered in from the doorway, hiding behind the wall as she watched Regina bend over the crib, smiling at the baby girl beneath her. The nursery was beautiful, a soft yellow covered the walls, bright flowers and butterflies painted here and there, and the room was decorated with an elegant crib made of dark wood, with a matching dresser and changing table. A sturdy rocking chair was tucked into the corner next to a window, covered with a fluffy pillow and a fuzzy blanket draped over the back. She imagined Regina had decorated the baby's room with Robin, perhaps before they had left for the Underworld with a little help from her magic, or perhaps after they returned, during the few days of rest before chaos had struck again. Before the unthinkable had happened to her sister's soul mate…

Zelena noticed how Regina didn't look upset in the slightest, as if the disruption of her sleep was the least of her worries, and guilt flooded her stomach for being cross with the baby's cries.

"Hello my little princess," Regina whispered to the baby, lifting her from her crib to cradle her against her chest, the baby's head against her shoulder. She walked slowly towards the changing table, bouncing softly with every step. "Someone's up early today."

She hummed as she placed the baby down gently, and expertly replaced her old diaper with a new one, all while the little Robin gurgled and hiccupped. Zelena watched from her place at the door with awe. Regina could do this so effortlessly, and if she were back in Oz she would have turned green, she could almost feel the envy crawling across her skin.

"Now are you going to go back to sleep for me?" Regina murmured, rubbing her finger on the baby's belly as she started to cry again. Regina sighed and lifted her up, hugging her to her chest. "I didn't think so." The baby whimpered into Regina's neck while she shushed her softly, bouncing and rocking as she paced around the room, patting and rubbing her little back.

Robin continued to cry, and Regina moved the baby to rest in her arms, holding her so she could look into her face. "Shh, shh, don't cry it's okay. I know. I want to cry too." She bounced her and patted her back, humming and shushing to try and sooth the infants whimpering. Eventually the humming turned into soft singing, and Regina swayed her body to her melody.

 _"Come stop your crying, it'll be alright. Just take my hand, hold it tight. I will protect you from all around you. I will be here, don't you cry."_

Robin sighed and squeaked from Regina's arms and slowly fell quiet, and Zelena watched her sister move to sit in seat next to the window, gently pushing off the ground to rock the chair, all while never looking away from the baby tucked safely in her arms. Zelena's heart softened, suddenly grateful for her sister's presence. She could never do what Regina was doing, and seeing how gentle and loving she was to Robin tugged at her heart and inspired her. She wanted to do what Regina was doing. She wanted her to show her how.

 _"For one so small, you seem so strong. My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm. This bond between us can't be broken. I will be here, don't you cry."_

"Where's Gina?" A soft, groggy voice came from behind Zelena, making her jump and turn quickly. A sleepy Roland stood in front of her, rubbing his eyes while clinging to a large stuffed monkey. Zelena was flustered, overtaken by emotion, and lost her words. She turned gently and pointed into the nursery, and Roland walked past her.

"Roland baby, what are you doing up?" Regina sat forward, careful not to jostle the sleeping infant.

"I couldn't sleep, and I heard the baby crying." Roland looked up at Regina through his dishevelled curls, sadness pulling at eyes.

"I can't either," Regina admitted, "Come here, sweetie." Roland crawled onto Regina's lap while she held the baby against her chest, and she wrapped her arm around Roland. A baby in one arm, a toddler wrapped in the other, Zelena couldn't believe it.

"I miss him." Roland said flatly, tucking his head under Regina's chin. She inhaled deeply, her breath wavering before she sighed, dropping her gaze to her lap.

"I miss him too darling, every second of every day."

Large tears welled in Roland's eyes and fell silently as Regina hugged him closer, rocking the chair again.

"I don't want to leave you." Roland muttered, his pain filling his voice as his tears flowed faster. Regina pinched her brow and frowned, her own eyes becoming misty.

"I know sweetie, but it's safer this way. And I promise I'll come find you as soon as I can." She pressed her nose into his hair and squeezed her eyes shut, tears slipping down her cheeks. Zelena noticed the shift in the room and felt like she was imposing on a private moment, but she couldn't look away from the little family in front of her, already so broken, and soon to be broken further. Regina took a shaky breath and kissed the top of Roland's head, both of them crying quietly as Regina started to sing again, her voice shaking with every note.

 _"You'll be in my heart, yes you'll be in my heart, from this day on, now and forever more. You'll be in my heart, no matter what they say. You'll be here in my heart, always."_

The pain in Regina's face was too much to look at, and Zelena finally turned away, leaving her sister to comfort her children. _Her children_ , she thought. Regina was a mother to both of those babies, whether Zelena liked it or not, and neither came from her. Zelena felt her heart breaking as she slipped back into her room, unable to stop replaying what she had just watched in her mind.

She knew her sister, and the love she had for those children mixed with the pain so evident in her face at having to lose one of them made one thing clear to Zelena. Regina was never going to stop until she got Roland back, got her family back. And nothing had ever stopped her sister before.


	6. Talking to the Moon

_Inspired by the song Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars_

* * *

He didn't want to follow her; unlike the rest of his family, he had complete and utter faith in his mother. He ached for her, knew that she was in a pain he couldn't quite understand, but still he knew that she was strong enough to fight the dark impulses inside of her. And if she struggled, he would be there for her. Still, he wanted to prove to the rest of his family that she was not slipping away from them, that she was still Regina, and not the Evil Queen.

So, he'd followed her. He'd kept his distance, creeping down side streets and hiding behind bushes should she look behind her. Though he supposed she would know if he was following her, she'd feel it in the air, in the magic tingling in her veins. Henry had made it as far as the cemetery without her seeing him – or revealing that she knew he was there – so he assumed he was in the clear.

For a moment his heart jumped, thinking that she was stalking to her vault, but he pushed his fear down, refusing to believe the worst. She surprised him when she turned towards the center of the graveyard. Moonlight illuminated her path through the rows of headstones, casting a soft glow on her dark hair and pale cheeks. Henry hid himself amongst the bushes lining the cemetery, matching his steps with Regina's until she slowed, turning to face a particular grave. He took a few paces forwards before crouching, positioning himself so he could see his mother clearly. He looked at her back as she placed a hand delicately on the top of the headstone before turning and sitting on the grave, leaning her back on the elegant carving of _Robin of Locksley._

Sorrow and grief weighed Regina's shoulders down, visible even from Henry's hiding place several feet away, and the corners of her mouth tugged down. She pulled her legs to her chest, hugging them tight before looking up to the glowing moon hanging in the night sky.

"Hi, Robin," her voice was hoarse, catching in her throat, but still loud enough that Henry could hear it, and his heart ached for her, his own lips falling into a frown.

"I, uh…" Regina cleared her throat and flicked her hair out of her eyes absently, "I was going to go to our log but it was too dark, and I… I couldn't see the moon from there."

Henry's brow knitted as he watched his mother. He could see thin trails of tears already shining on her cheeks, and her eyes focused on the pale glowing orb in the darkness.

"I never forgot what you told me," Regina continued, "When we were in the Enchanted Forest. I was missing Henry and… and you said to talk to the moon. That he could hear me from the other side."

Henry let out a quiet breath, a twinge of guilt pinching his gut as Regina inhaled deeply, steadying her voice, before a slight laugh slipped through her tears.

"I sat under my tree for hours, _days_ probably, hoping beyond hope that Henry might hear me. But I know you remember, you were there with me, talking to him for me when I didn't have the strength, or the right words."

A ghost of a smile played across her lips before it slipped away, something Henry could only describe as a crack in a once positive memory.

"I know you're somewhere out there. And I thought that maybe… Maybe you could hear me from where ever you are. That we're looking at the moon together."

Regina paused, shifting her weight and sliding her back down farther, resting the back of her head on the grave as she looked up to the sky.

"I… I just want you back," Her voice lowered, just loud enough to be carried on the wind to Henry, floating across the empty cemetery. "I want to hear your voice, see your eyes, feel your heartbeat."

She hiccupped as her tears flowed quicker, and she squeezed her legs closer to her chest. Henry imagined that she was trying to push the pain from her heart, and for a moment he wanted to be the one hugging her, chasing away her pain, not sitting helplessly as he watched her alone in her misery.

"Can you give me a sign that you were right, that you can hear me from the other side?" Regina paused, listening to the wind rustling the trees, pulling the smell of the forest to the clearing before settling into empty silence. She waited, and waited, before she finally closed her eyes, breathing out a shaky breath. "I knew you were always full of crap."

With a heavy sigh, she pushed herself off the ground, and turned to take one last look at Robin's name on his grave before looking back up at the moon.

"I'll try again tomorrow." Opening her jacket, she reached inside and pulled out a single rose with deep red petals, and kneeled to place it on the ground where she had sat. She pressed her fingers to her lips, lingering there for a moment as she squeezed her eyes shut tight, before pressing it onto his name and muttering a soft "I love you."

Regina rose slowly, straightening her spine and wiping the dampness that stained her cheeks. She took a single step forward, around the grave, and turned to lock eyes on Henry, finding him effortlessly amongst the bushes where he crouched. His heart jumped as he watched the emptiness in his mother's eyes, but before he could stand and reveal himself, to tell her he was sorry for invading her privacy, she turned and walked away, pulling her jacket tight around her to fight a gust of wind that blew her hair around her face.


	7. Gone

_After Hades has been destroyed, Regina gets a moment to process Robin's death._

 _From the prompt: After Robin's death, Henry sees Regina's pain and he tries to talk about the whole situation with her._

* * *

He's getting cold.

The warmth of his skin is quickly leaving him, seeping into her palms as she presses them to his cheeks, and the pink flesh is fading to something sickly and grey. She should move him, but she can't find the will to stand, her legs feel numb beneath the weight of his empty body.

She should do something, but all she can do is look down at his closed eyes, wishing for a flicker or a twitch, a sign that they will open again, that she could catch a glimpse of the swimming blue irises beneath the heavy lids just one more time. She supposes there would be no point in seeing the blue of his eyes now, they would be lifeless and… nothing. He is nothing.

The hands holding her arms squeeze her, and she sees her sister moving beside her, muttering something about going for help, but Regina ignores her. She can look for help all she wants, but no one can undo this. Not even Regina. Try as she might, wishes and wants be damned, there is no helping Robin now.

The most painful part of magic, Regina has learned, is how clean death can be. It leaves no mark of its destruction, no sign of what it has taken away, no mess to clean up. Only vicious slashes across every heart the empty body had once touched, only ghosts of words once said, glances once exchanged, touches once felt, futures once planned. Magic takes and takes and takes, but leaves no mark. It's so much harder, so impossible to accept, when Robin lays beneath Regina as if he had fallen asleep on her lap as he once had long ago, laying in the park with Roland and Henry.

She strokes her thumb across his cheek almost absently, like the touch might be gentle enough to rouse him from his sleep, and her voice cracks when she whispers, "Wake up."

He doesn't move, doesn't flinch, and she raises her voice only slightly, "Wake up, Robin. Please, wake up."

Her chin quivers as she watches him, imagining how he would flinch when she ran her thumb along his jaw, how his nose would crinkle and his lips would twitch when she danced her fingers around his features. He'd be happy if she woke him, she's sure of it. He'd laugh and wink at her, pulling her lips down to his before muttering a groggy _g'morning, love_.

"Please, Robin…" She slides a hand down to his chest, rubbing slow circles as she rocks her body slowly, moving his torso with her. "Please, baby, come back to me." Her eyes flood with tears, so much so she can no longer make out the stubble along his jaw or the hint of dimples sinking into his cheeks. Hot tears trail down her cheeks and drip onto his cool skin before falling into his hair. "Come back to me, don't leave me, please. You can't leave me, just wake up."

She grips his jacket, digging her nails into the thick fabric, and shakes him gently at first, a small thing that grows in strength with each new tug.

" _Wake up_!" Her voice cracks when she raises her pitch, yelling at his lifeless body, waiting for him to flinch at her volume. "You're not allowed to die, I need you, Roland needs you, your daughter – she doesn't even have a name Robin!"

This is the time to cry, she thinks, to scream, and ache, and weep, so she does. Let it destroy her now, and she can rebuild herself tomorrow, slip into an emotionless void, rip out her heart if need be. But for now, she needs to feel everything, every sharp, agonizing stab to her heart. And God, how she feels it. She bleeds for him, her skin is raw and her eyes sting. Everything stings. Everything burns.

"You're the good one, you're suppose to live! Why the hell didn't you let _me_ die?"

The door to her office flies open as Regina drops her forehead to Robin's, whispering for him to just wake up, to please come back.

"Regina!" It's Emma, but not just her, there's more than one set of footsteps echoing through the empty room. It's so empty without him. Regina can't look at her yet, can't look up from him, she might miss something, so she shakes her head and presses her forehead against his further, her tears burning in her eyes as they flow down her cheeks.

"What happened?" Snow says, and goddamn it, Snow can't be here. Snow and Emma and Zelena, standing above her watching her cradle the body of her soul mate. Zelena is crying, probably hasn't stopped since she killed Hades, and Snow sounds like she's holding back her own tears already with small gasps for air.

"He… he jumped in front of me," Regina stutters through her erratic breathing, "H-Hades tried to kill me a-and… h-he…" She shakes her head again, pressing her face into Robin's chest. He still smells like himself, like forest and fresh air and love.

Snow falls to her knees beside Regina, taking her shaking hands and rubbing them gently. Regina tilts her head, pressing her cheek to Robin's chest to look at the other woman through blurry eyes, and she sees tears falling down her rosy cheeks. She's looking at Robin, not her, and Regina wonders if she is mourning his loss more than sympathizing Regina's pain. They had a lot in common; both archers, both parents, both bandits on the run from the Evil Queen at one time. Regina's heart aches in a whole new way when she sees the first of many who will also be broken with the loss of Robin.

"Regina, you have to get up," Snow says gently, tugging on her arm. She yanks herself from her grip, screaming that she can't, she can't leave him. "You're not leaving him, we need to move him."

"I can't move him! I can't lose him!" She sobs, pulling him impossibly close. She wishes she could push her life into him, that her will for him to live might be enough to save him. She turns to Snow, eyes wild and wet as she looks to her for help. "He was suppose t-to be my second chance, I can't lose him too."

She's ugly crying now, she's certain of it, her whole face is damp and puffy and red, but god, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

Snow's eyes move from Regina, to Robin, to Emma, and back, and she shakes her head before throwing her arms around Regina's shoulders. She pulls her close, and Regina can't find it inside her to push her away. She buries her face in her shoulder, sobbing and aching, her heart weighing in her chest with each wave of pain.

"I should be dead…" Regina whispers into Snow's neck, and she can feel the other woman's chin quivering. She's fighting against her tears, trying to stop her shoulders from shaking so she won't upset Regina further, but it's no use. There is nothing worse, not right now.

"He saved you, Regina," Snow says, her voice shaking slightly as she tries to steady herself, "He loved you so much."

Her guts twist at that, that one word stabs her deep in her chest, deep in her soul. She doesn't want to hear it, not now, not when it's too late. But she knew he loved her, had known it for far longer than she can even understand. He was such a loving man, and look where love got him. All because he loved her.

Regina pushes off of Snow and leans over him, pressing her lips to his cheek softly, as softly as he would kiss her, and she whispers in his ear, "I love you."

This shouldn't be the first time she tells him that. She should get to tell him every day, on lazy mornings when they wake up tangled together, when they sit around dinner with their children, when they hold hands across the table at Granny's, when they are naked and writhing in bed together. She should get to tell him every single day how much she loves him.

"I love you," she says again, hoping to make up for every time she couldn't, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Emma kneels next to the two of them, her own cheeks shining with tears as she reaches for Regina's arm. "Let's just get him off the floor, okay?" She squeezes slightly before dropping her hand to Robin's chest, rubbing a few gentle strokes before removing her hand from him. She's right; he shouldn't be on the floor. He deserves better than this, he deserves better than to be dead.

Regina tries to lift her hand, to cast some sort of preservation spell on him, but she's trembling, and Emma takes her hand in her own, pushing her magic onto him for her, protecting him for her. Regina nods a wordless _thank you_ to the blonde, and Snow tries to lift her to her feet. Her knees shake, but she's steady enough to push off the ground. She takes one last look at him, draped across the floor, so still, so empty, and waves her hand over him. A purple cloud slowly circles him, whisking him away to her vault. He'll be safe there, and for a short while he can rest where they had shared their love, where they had spent a whole night wrapped in each other. Their night together, their endless love, their future, it can all die with him, in that vault.

He's gone.

He's gone in every possible way. His body, his soul, his love, all gone. And he took every piece of her heart with him.

Snow supports her as they all make their way out of Regina's office, stepping onto the cold dark street to find Hook, Charming, and – no, not Henry. Henry can't be here.

"Mom!" He yells when he sees her, or Emma, she can't be sure which, but he rushes to them now, panic filling his hazel eyes. "What happened? We heard there was a fight with Hades."

Regina's tears had slowed, her pain hardening in her chest without Robin's body beneath her, but seeing her son so afraid, so unaware of the pain that is so quickly destroying her, it pushes a fresh stab of misery into her heart.

Snow and Emma exchange a look, and both move to say something, but Regina interrupts them with a shake of her head.

"Let me tell him."

"Regina…" Emma starts, but Regina simply looks at her. No anger, no judgement, just pain, and Emma nods before taking Snow's hand and walking towards the other men.

"Mom?" Henry asks, and Regina has to look to the ground to stop from collapsing into tears in front of him. She needs to be strong now, she needs to pick herself up.

She swallows thickly and looks up at him, for a moment wondering when he got so tall, and she can't push back the tears that well in her eyes. "There was a fight with Hades, and… he tried to kill me."

Henry's face falls and he reaches for Regina, grabbing her arms and pulling her closer. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

She shakes her head and smiles weakly at him. "I'm okay." She bites her lip as the next words stick in her throat, thick and awful, and her chin quivers against her every effort to stop it. "Robin… h-he jumped in front of me…"

Henry's forehead wrinkles as he frowns at her, and then his eyes blow wide, his jaw hanging slack. He shakes his head, and breathes a soft "no."

God, he's too young for this, too young to lose another person, another strong male for him to look up to, for him to love. His eyes fall to the ground as the realization filters across his face. He keeps shaking his head, and he bites his own lip when wetness pools in his eyes.

"He's gone?" He asks meekly, choking on the last word. Regina's heart pinches as she nods, and she can't hold back anymore. She bursts into tears, pressing her hands to her mouth to stifle her sobs. Henry instantly grabs her, pulling her into him with so much more force than Regina would have expected. He squeezes her, and for a moment they simply cry together.

She feels a pinch of guilt for weeping on her son's shoulder; she is the parent, she's suppose to comfort him when he breaks. But perhaps they can support each other; maybe they can squeeze each other until they both feel a little less broken, pushing all of their pieces back to together, even for a moment.

Regina's knees give out, and Henry collapses to the ground with her. They huddle together, and Regina gasps for air as her lungs burn. Everything burns, everything hurts, and God, how unfair it is that Henry is feeling even a piece of what Regina is feeling right now.

"It's not your fault," Henry says suddenly between sobs, "I know you're blaming yourself but you can't."

Regina shakes her head, pressing her nose into her little boy's neck. He's wrong, it is her fault. Robin could be here right now if it wasn't for her, if he had never met her.

"No," Henry says firmly, pushing away from her, but still holding her shoulders to keep her close. He makes her look him in the eye, a seriousness she's never seen in him as he stares into her. "This is _not_ your fault. He loved you."

Regina hiccups as she nods, unsure of what else to do. She knows he loved her, and for now that has to be enough to sooth the wounds that seem to cover her entire body. There isn't a part of her that doesn't ache, that doesn't miss his touch.

"He loved you, too," Regina reminds him, and Henry nods solemnly, sniffling as he wipes at his wet cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Mom." He dropped his eyes to their laps, a sort of hopelessness tugging down his shoulders. "What do I do?"

Regina lifts a shaky hand and takes her son's chin in her grasp, lightly stroking his cheek as she pulls his forehead to hers. "You remember him, and you love his memory." Henry's chin shakes again, and Regina kisses his cheek once, twice, and then pulls him into her again, pressing her hand to the back of his head and lacing her fingers in his soft hair. "I love you so much, Henry."

"I love you, too," he sniffles, and it helps sooth the burning in her chest. She's not sure how long they stay pressed together, sitting outside of the town hall, but by the time they stand and make their way home together, Regina feels like her broken pieces are held together for a moment. She's heavily cracked, and she's sure that tomorrow she will crumble, and the day after that, and the day after that, but for now, with her little prince, her broken heart doesn't bleed quite as much.


End file.
